"So make a prayer for him."
Thus, I followed behind him and sat in front of the corpse—my Father, my love, my Abbu, my friend, my mother, and my father. He was the one inside the casket, leaving; he was dead and would never return. Then I hugged him tightly and let out a bitter cry, saying:
"Abbu, why will you leave me? I don't know anyone, you're my everything, Abbu. How will I live life now..."
I couldn't finish because I completely blacked out. I didn't wake up again until after ten hours and some minutes, and then I woke up in a panic calling Abbu's name. Nanny, who was beside me, quickly hugged me tightly against her body while crying. Holding me, I knew it was her, so I let myself go and started crying. I said nothing, but the pain I felt in my heart was beyond what I could write for you. God bless Abbu, he has gone and left me, making me wish that I had died too to find peace. Nothing scares me more than remembering that I must live, and without Abbu.
At home, he was taken to the cemetery that evening. Hajiya, ever since they brought back what he was wrapped in, stood up and suddenly collapsed. Without delay, she was taken to the hospital in Kano; before they arrived, she passed away too. Therefore, the deaths joined together for us—that of Abbu and that of Hajiya. Whomever you looked at, you knew the news had dealt them a massive blow. At the exact same time, Allah willed their departure! That is life. Within three days, the house emptied out, and I was discharged from the hospital. I returned home, and everyone who looked at me and saw how I had emaciated and deteriorated instantly shed tears. Hearing about Hajiya's death destabilized me further, but I didn't show it because I wasn't even speaking. I wouldn't cry unless there was no one around; I would sit, cry, and wipe my tears.
On the fifth day, the people from Maiduguri arrived to condole with us. Mummy and Nanny were constantly checking on me to ensure I ate and that I was okay. Sometimes I felt like running away and throwing myself into water so I could die too from this distress I felt in my soul. When they were leaving, they said they wanted to take me along. Then Mummy told them she would take me, so they said their goodbyes and left. Sometimes I wished I had gone with them; maybe all this wouldn't have happened. But when I thought deeper, I saw that whatever happens to me is already written in my book—it must happen to me.
On the day of the seventh-day charity (sadakar bakwai), people dispersed. On that day, I cried because as I sat, everyone kept leaving, only rubbing my head and telling me to have patience. I cried for my lack of a guardian, lack of support, and lack of knowing what life would bring. The only things left for me were Nanny and Rooks. Nanny sat beside me and said:
"Eat some food, okay? Or do you want to fall sick?"
Crying, I said:
"What is the use of eating? My Abbu is dead, Nanny. I have no one, Nanny."
She hugged me, rubbing my back with tears flowing down her face too, full of pity for me. Mummy and Uncle Babawo's entrance made me stand up and head toward him. He held my hand, comforting me, and fortunately, I calmed down until I drank some tea. He and Mummy went outside, and she said:
"I think I will just take her with me. Looking at her is breaking my heart."
He rubbed his head and said:
"She is truly to be pitied. If I were married, I would take her, but I will just leave her to you."
The next day, they held a meeting regarding my fate. Mummy looked at Kawu Sa'idu in surprise and said:
"Yaya Sa'idu, I am taking Afiyya since you see she is used to Rooks."
He raised his eyes, looked at her, and said:
"No, she will not go live in someone else's house only to be reproached tomorrow. I will take care of her."
Kawu Tijjani said:
"Yes, that's true, though I know Rooks' Daddy would never do that. Ideally, it would be better if we, the men, took care of her. However, Yaya, let me just take her."
He frowned further and said:
"I will keep her here in Ringim. End of discussion."
Mummy frowned and said:
"Yaya Sa'idu, if I can't take Afiyya, then you won't take her either. God sees that Tijjani should take her instead. How can a girl grow up in Abuja and then be brought back to Ringim?"
"Are you foolish, Maryam? Weren't you born in Ringim yourself? Did you die growing up here? Listen to nonsense."
They kept arguing like that, and the meeting ended on a bad note. Mummy told them they had to fight Kawu Sa'idu because she didn't trust him. The next day, when they went to distribute Abbu's inheritance, and then Hajiya's inheritance, he insisted that mine should be given to him. That was when Uncle Babawo brought out Abbu's will regarding my property, which entrusted it to Uncle Babawo's hands, so Kawu Sa'idu had to back down. I didn't know what happened, but they just returned and said that I would live at Kawu Sa'idu's house. Nanny followed Mummy, who was crying, seeing me cry, wanting to know why I couldn't stay with one of them. Mummy said she couldn't do anything either; she couldn't fight him. Powerless, all my things were packed, and I was moved to Kawu Sa'idu's house, and he told Nanny to go back to Maiduguri!
(Note: This section contains the author's banking/payment details for unlocking the novel)
In the blink of an eye, I lost everything—my father, the protection I had, and everything. I woke up with no one to look to or call upon to cry on their shoulder. As I sat, Nanny finished packing her things, came to sit beside me, and held my hand, speaking in the Babur language she was teaching me, which I had learned quite well because I could hear and respond to whatever was said, though not very perfectly yet.
"Have patience, I know everything will change. But have patience and pray. I met your Uncle Tijjani yesterday and asked him since Anty Maryam didn't give me an answer. He said Yallabai (the grandfather/patriarch) instructed them to accept whatever decision your Uncle Sa'idu makes, which is why they are obeying him. Know that your stay in his house is like an act of obedience to Yallabai. Pray for them, I will visit whenever I get the chance. Hold onto your orphanhood, utilize your education, have patience, Allah is with you..."
I cried continuously with her hand in mine, but not once did I forget what Nanny said. Just like that, I watched her leave without looking back, even though she packed my things perfectly and told Mummy she couldn't bear to see me return to that house. In the afternoon, Mummy finished packing her things and Rooks' because they were leaving for NY the next day. We were in the room after I finished my Asr prayer. Rooks sat next to me, and we were quiet until she said:
"I'm going to miss you, Afeey."
I gave her a small smile but said nothing. She adjusted her seat and said:
"Promise me you'll tell me whatever situation you're in?"
I reached out my hand and promised her. Mummy's entrance made us quiet. She sat down, crossed her legs, and told Rooks to leave so we could talk. So she stood up and left us some space. Mummy spent a long time giving me advice, which I held onto firmly, and then she said whenever I needed anything, I should call them and they would give it to me. I said okay.
After Maghrib, we got ready and headed to Kawu Sa'idu's house. I stepped into the courtyard with my feet, feeling distress in my heart. Right from that moment, I realized the world is fleeting, nothing lasts. They were sitting under some small, hung lightbulbs that illuminated the courtyard. They were sitting on a mat, Hafsa was crying, while Mino was washing clothes, and Ummaah was serving food. My boxes that were brought earlier in the day were placed in the corner exactly where they were left. The men were not around. Slowly, as if an egg were breaking inside me, I walked over and sat next to Siyama, where Rooks and Mummy sat. I was the first to greet Ummaah, and she replied, telling Mummy she would join them shortly. None of them spoke to me, and neither did I. When she finished, she grabbed a chair, came to sit next to Mummy, and I sat silently, looking around the house, imagining what kind of life I would live in this house. It was a very large house, but it lacked design intelligence; they left a massive courtyard but built only two rooms, a kitchen that wasn't even being used, and a single toilet. Over by the side near the courtyard entrance was the room where Yaya and the others stayed. My mind flashed back to our house in Abuja—my spacious bedroom, our parlor, the garden, and all the comforts of life.
I was lost in these thoughts and didn't even notice they had finished talking until she touched me, signaling me to stand up. I stood up and followed her. Mino accompanied us to the room. There was nothing inside except a large mattress neatly made with a bedsheet. Other than that, there was nothing. Mummy arranged my boxes, showed me where everything was, and then brought out some money, telling me to hide it for small expenses, and when it finished, she would send more. She gave me more advice and then left me standing in the middle of the room, silent, remembering Abbu. I didn't know how long I stood there until I heard Mino's voice telling me that their Ummaah was calling me. I came out quietly and stood there, saying:
"Here I am!"
"For goodness' sake, find a place to sit!"
I sat down, and a small silver bowl with Tuwo was handed to me. I looked at the Tuwo and couldn't even recognize the soup inside because the light illuminating the house was fading. I washed my hand and dipped it in to taste the soup first, realizing it was Kuka (baobab leaf) soup. I relaxed a bit and ate, but halfway through, I felt full. Therefore, I pulled my hand out, but out of fear of saying I was full, I just kept moving my hand around inside. Then I heard Hafsa and Siyama behind me starting to fight. My attention shifted to them; I could hear the fight, but I couldn't tell the reason. As I sat there, Mino came over and said:
"Ummaah, she didn't finish it."
"Take it and give it to Hafsa. What is left here is for your father and Baba."
I quickly withdrew my hand, and she asked me:
"Are you full?"
"How could she not be full? Since what time did I serve her the food, is this a joke?"
So they took the food and gave it to Hafsa. I stood up, washed my hand, and wiped my tears, remembering how Abbu would coax me until I ate. I washed my face, performed ablution, and came to pray. While praying, I heard Yaya's greeting, and from the way he asked:
"Where is Afiyya?"
I knew he was happy, but their Ummaah's response dampened his spirit:
"Look at this busybody! As soon as you enter, you don't even ask about me, but about your mother's sister, Afiyya. All of you listen to me carefully: Afiyya came to live here, and I don't want anyone forming a deep relationship with her. I don't want any closeness or hovering around her. She is nobody special; she is a child just like everyone else. Take your food and eat."
He went silent while they all listened to her. Yaya said:
"Oh Ummaah, Afiyya is to be pitied, how can we not draw her close?"
"Mhmm, your mother's sister, right? Of course, I speak and you talk back to me."
He didn't say anything more to her; he took his bowl and left. I sat for a long time, then I said to Mino, who was sitting next to me:
"I want to sleep, where should I lie down?"
She looked at me, then looked toward their Ummaah, and said in a low voice:
"Go tell our Ummaah."
I remained silent, afraid to approach her. Right there, I began to doze off, and mosquitoes bit me to their heart's content, leaving me scratching. Eventually, Siyama woke me up and told me to come to bed. So I stood up and followed her, wondering how the four of us would sleep on one mattress. Luckily enough, when I arrived, I found a small 6x6 mattress laid out for me. She handed me a mosquito net. I held the net, wondering how to hang it. Mino, seeing me standing, explained it to me, going silent whenever she heard a movement. Then I understood that they all wanted to be nice but were afraid of their mother. I tied it haphazardly, got inside, and lay down. It rested completely on my face, so by dawn, I woke up to perform ablution feeling as if pepper had been poured on my face. I bit my lip, trying to suppress the intense pain I felt. In that state, I prayed while they were all still asleep. Fortunately, I heard Yaya's movement while I was in the restroom. After that, sleep overtook me until Hafsa and Siyama's fighting woke me up. I stood up, removed the net from my face, which was throbbing with pain as if it would burst. I greeted Mino, who told me to wake up and pack my bedding. I told her:
"Look at my face, it's burning."
I said it, wincing. If it were at our house, I would have caused a scene, and perhaps they would have taken me to the hospital. She touched my face and said:
"It's the net, it will heal, okay?"
I nodded. Then she showed me how to tie it today, and I packed the bedding, and we went out. She handed me a broom to sweep. I looked at the broom and looked at the massive courtyard, and I screamed internally, seeking help from Allah!
(Note: Second payment reminder section)
Since the class members had started lessons a month ago, they were far ahead in Physics. "Motion" was the topic written on the board. But before he started explaining motion, he asked the class who could recap what had been taught. Sauda, who was next to me, raised her hand, so the teacher pointed at her to stand up and answer. She spent a long time explaining before he told her to sit down after making the class clap for her. I looked at her after she sat down and smiled at her, and she smiled back.
Soon after, he began explaining motion. I sat quietly, assimilating what he was saying, and jotting down points where necessary. When he finished, he handed the notebook to the class rep, told her to write it on the board for us, and left completely. I took a deep breath, looked at Sauda, and said:
"Sauda, please let me see your notebook."
She smiled, handed it to me, and said:
"Amina, you are beautiful!"
I just smiled but didn't even thank her for the compliment. I opened it and started copying her note. Since I write fast and the class members were playing instead of starting the new note, I finished before the next period started. I settled down and kept going through it so I could understand what was taught. While doing this, another teacher entered—the Maths teacher, a young guy. We greeted him, he did what he had to do, and left. Up until then, no one else had noticed me in the class.
That day, when school closed, Sauda lent me her books to copy. As soon as closing time came, I packed my books into my bag, said goodbye to Sauda, and then to the others nearby whose names I didn't know, and came out, watching how every student was trying to go home. Then I remembered my life at NTIC (Nigerian-Turkish International College). I just shook my head and started walking slowly under the hot sun, heat, and hunger, but I headed home with my mouth dry from thirst. Right from the entrance of the house, I spotted Yaya standing and talking on the phone. Hurriedly, I approached, seeing a smile resting on his face. I reached him, and before he or I could say a word, he handed me his phone. I took it and put it to my ear without checking who was calling.
"Hello, Afeey darling!"
The scream she let out almost blew my eardrums. I laughed softly, looking at Yaya, who closed his eyes while watching me, and said:
"Rooks! I missed you."
She told me she missed me too and then said:
"So tell me, how is school? Today is your first day, how do you find it?"
Rooks was endless with questions. I sat on the bench Yaya pulled out for me and started telling her everything about the school. In the end, I told her:
"I prefer the one in Abuja, because when I return home, I used to meet Abbu and Nanny at home!"
As soon as I said it, I felt my eyes fill with tears. From the way she spoke to me, I knew she felt sad too. I gave a painful little smile and said:
"I have to live, Rooks, if only to pray for Abbu and Mama. I have a reason to live."
"Exactly, Afeey. Keep praying, everything will become easy. Now you are ahead of me in class!"
I laughed and teased her, saying she should start calling me "senior" because she was no match for me since I was in a higher class now. We said our goodbyes, and my heart felt completely light; all the fatigue I had carried seemed to vanish. I handed him back the phone with a smile and said:
"Thank you, Yaya!"
He smiled, looking at me intensely, and said:
"How was school?"
I replied with "Alhamdulillah" and then told him I would go inside after thanking him again. I felt his eyes trailing on me until I entered the house. Upon entering, I found that they had all returned. I entered with a greeting, and Mino replied, asking:
"Where did you stay?"
I paused, thinking about what to say, then said:
"Mhmm! I was walking back slowly."
She nodded, and I went inside, changed my clothes, came out, and took a bath. Since the house was quiet, I knew their Ummaah was not around, and I didn't ask because the house is much more pleasant when she isn't there. We ate food, then I swept and returned to start copying the notes. I heard their Ummaah's greeting. I lifted the curtain and welcomed her. She replied and then told me to drop the book and come wash the dishes. I opened my mouth intending to tell her that I had already done my sweeping since that was my chore, but I sealed my lips instead, packed the books, put them away, and came out.
I rolled up my long sleeves, gathered the dishes together, sat down, and began washing slowly, like someone washing away their soul. I had gone far when she peeked out from the room and shouted for me. She didn't call me Afiyya; instead, she said:
"Hey, you!"
That was it, and I had to answer. I rinsed my hands. Before I could reach the room, I heard Yaya's greeting, calling out my name. I stopped and turned around, only to see Nanny behind him! I kicked off my slippers and ran into her arms, hugging her tightly as if I wanted to crawl back inside her. She hugged me back, and I let out a genuine, sincere laugh, saying:
"Nanny!"
She hugged me tighter. I don't think I will ever forget the joy I felt that day. When I let go of her, I started crying bitterly, remembering home, remembering the beautiful moments we shared, remembering my Abbu. I held her hand and cried continuously, feeling as if I were shedding all the sadness and exhaustion I had carried these past days. Their Ummaah came out along with Mino from the room, her face tightened into a scowl, glaring at me, though I didn't even notice. Nanny began to comfort me, and I brought a chair for her to sit. Only then did she notice their Ummaah and they exchanged greetings, while I went back to the dishes I was washing. As I washed, I kept asking her questions and she answered me. I knew they themselves never realized I could talk this much. I finished washing the dishes while she watched me until I took the plates to the kitchen. Her face showed pity and surprise at how much I had changed into a completely different person in just one month. While she sat there, I started the fire, and before it caught fully, I peeked out and asked their Ummaah what was to be cooked, then I went to join Nanny. As I entered the room with Nanny, Yaya came in holding a plastic bag and handed it to me. It was cold water and...